and today the 'student' speaketh .....

second year in a row, ... I see this open-eyed dream ..where  Teacher's day has become synonym with 'the speech'.  and- I see myself standing on 'the stage' thanking THEM my  for the dream that I actually never dremt -off!

....My best, Most favorite, the moviating ones. To THEM I owe the sense to appreciate the 'beauty in mankind' .

Three years and Four different organisations ; glad it all began with my Alma Mater(!) , as a student I was being 'trained' to 'teach'. Like always, I ended up 'gaining' more than, I could 'give' ; Love, Respect, Joyous moments, Queries, Critique, Questions, and more Challenging Questions... 

 Back in Autumn 2011, I started teaching at my most favourite school under the guidance of my most favourite teacher..
 -Ashish sir has taught us the mantra of acceptance of 'multi-perspectives',and kept us on our toes so we come out with the best in us!

-Even without her presence, G. Ma'am................

So, I 'receive' (as a Teacher) with utmost pride, the Love and Gratitude of my students hoping  that THEY(my teachers)receive it as a tribute back.
My gurus/prophets/motivators/guides/angels who - Taught Me Not Only To 'DREAM' but, Walked Along  To Bring Those Dreams ALIVE!

Chai-la-le-la.

The one thing I always associated with 'my profession' is the presence of  Chai-cups on the desk of my fellow teachers' around.To my aghast, I saw none at my new work place.
In the first post I detailed out how sleepy I got ( without Chai and partly,it being the day-1).
It's been raining past week, and you feel more gloomy without the 'essentials'-  Chai being one.

I don't remember when I initiated  this ritual as it  always was a mug full of coffee courtesy block A comfort!
Mom dad became no-tea from 8-10 tea a day .....so, it isn't their impact for sure I feel..
In Bengal too I remember clearly to have silent aversion from no- milk no- sugar wala cup..its beauty in its transparent cups that I savored more with hills as background, clicking away cup n juns to glory!

.. escapade to dive.

So its not my work which would be talked about but right outside the ' work life' that would speak louder ...
It's 2013, and I happily settle here about 556th time in last 5 years .. This isn't Teacher's chair but a zone which got the ' teacher in making' upright! So much right that I know each time, this is where I would return...

My best friends struggles to survive in -known city but, unknowingly always comes back here and we feel like at Home!You know how sometimes some places make you feel- comfy , friendly and you can stay all day around!
The ' patient listener in me', and 'talking tom in him' gets stronger each time the secrets get confined with hours flying by...

My 1st job was in ggn and it was the usual stopover for cheese corn and a strong coffee ..The shifting to the ' goldman's hut' made me crave for this 'corner-comfort' which I  could manage it now with my third.

But, it isn't the usual stopover with feeling of liberation and fun. It is actually an escapade from 'their dreams' and a dive into mine..But why does this coffee still tastes not guilt-free?


-- half empty glass that my folks see!

Hindi-English-Hindi.......Englishhhh- way!

Not independence but Liberty! 
Being  brought up in the family of 'hindi scholars' has made the new journey easier for me in many ways....

Presently I teach in a school where Hindi is the main medium to put your ideas across- in classrooms/exams.
Before and after joining work, I saw many-a-gasp(! )and everyone had more queries and doubts than mine , some in whisper others a-loud- '.... so u know, school is in Hindi medium.' ; ..' u have studied in English throughout right?! and this aint going to be same...'; ' you sure if you can manage well..' .. ... yes! the reader's and close friends going through this post, may raise eyebrows over it as well... though,my only answer to ALL would be- I CAN with utmost Ease! :-)

We live in country  (immediate surrounding) where there are Hindi-speaking majority around me. My alma-mater was '100% English medium' - from morning prayers to conversing with teachers(even Hindi teachers')...though the students coming from various backgrounds had hang-over only Hindi !
and I remember how a penny was paid each time you uttered word in the language without which survival back at home, wasn't possible! Well, more than being 'punishable offence' , it was in our benefit to speak The language (colonial gift) and the after-effects were well felt by those of us who managed to get through universities(yeah! not all- who now have on an average 1 kid and tagged 'happily married' smiling photo(sss) on FB). .

Let me give you a surprise, or maybe not so much, a surprise which made many of 'others' look down upon many of 'us'. So, it goes - in simple language- that despite being in a English medium convent , 2 sections of our school were actually taught in 'Hindi'.. NO! its not Entirely Hindi- just the Social science part! So, it probably came to full circle , when I joined to teach my subject in medium that is Hindi.
 The beauty of subject, lies in the way 'it is taught' .. and I would never shy in revealing that it's Hindi which get's me all going and High! :)

Post 10th grade, I returned to 'English' learning (speaking still remains a mix); and hence, I  have more hang over reading English comfortably. So, it is trouble at little of the little times when I am teaching 'the historical process' like  about relations of the state with 'people of the(Historic) times' ... I usually take that Pause and my girls instantly Translate the words for me.. 'relation' , 'jar-pots', 'traditions' , ... are some words where the 'long pause' was immediately  'translated' ! 

Confession , if you seek from me, I still carry my English version of the text in classroom and read along while they read -aloud from their Hindi.

With the 'historic transitions' beginning with - the Hindi,than to  English and now back to Hindi, I see it rather being a fruitful one. 'Positivism ' is another trademark of my mother along with The HINDI , that I sometimes believe to have been transferred in my genes! 


 --स्वतंत्र भारत की स्वछन्द नारी ।

everything A-miss........

since my favorite work of teaching started , I have been avoiding lot of 'other things' lately, 'other things' don't include any people or friends , for they are already 'avoided' enough(!) in past 5 years.
Here the 'avoidance' comes with great GUILT though not repentance.
 The 'kitchen report' gave glimpse of certain expecations hovering above my head-to get A laid back sarkari naukri (now, pressure mounding with ANY sarkari naukri).  With my new job in old-stlye work (of teaching) I'm though convinced enough to be a part of 'sarkari school' no matter come, what may!
Please note, it's not the 'laid back' environ, or incessant sessions of chai , or even 'armchair style' work that convinces me to be a part of govt.instiltutions.
Harshita always says, we are meant to teach, I nodded always though with a doubt; folks want(ed) best of the best for me(most comfortable future ( (gadi, bangla, naukar)with loads of travel opportunities-yea!he knows what flows in my veins.)  and I followed his dreams with dreamy eyes filled in hope of being THE ONE,someday.
You know,  I have always believed that destiny comes your way, and you get and become -what you are meant to be. This(not clearing 'country's most sought after exam') was a signal perhaps, to get back to my old yet most comfortable shoes. :D  And, I did not realize it until before today( as I write this) how CONTENT I feel with the work-place.
I have received 'attention' which I had sough for in past 2 workplaces. Open air corridors and sweet smell of mud with incessant heavy rains, can never be replaced by huge palatial air-conditioned classrooms where I hardly managed to take fresh breath. Yes! very unlike city-person, I take my stand and  I confess openly how much I desire to wake up with bird chirps and never-ending line of woods in front of my eye.
Teaching and Open woods is what should be the focal , - that's how I'd describe my upcoming life. :-)The journey probably has begun.. .
 The real teaching happens outside textbooks they say- but the 'merit system' to  get through colleges , leaves no other way for my girls than to remember by heart few facts and rest my-told tales.. Yeah! the subject gives me WIDE scope to interpret the 'text' in most easy ways- let me come up with new post to give inside -the -classroom glimpse( It would be MORE than that *winks* ) ..
I remember how coffee got me always HIGH, but, a new reason to feel that BuzZzz again, and it isn't the temporary one this time. I have missed 'the things' and in past half hour even the little felt guilt seems to have vanished. I have given -A-Miss.. to the dreams of my father, a -miss to the 'desires' I sought once, to live in 'comfort' , A- miss- to  the expectations of friends -some of whom thought-I could be that - One big  afsaar!

While, giving all above a miss- i also broke the shackles that I started living almost comfortably -in..  .With breaking these 'self imposed' chains,  I Return to  my inner-most desire to Teach and Learn  and to Teach back to those with 'quest to evolve' or to shake-a few who sleep without desires-not many!

I live this 'unseen dream' today; I give-a-miss to many of the 'seen' but, the smile persists with the surprise of the Destiny which someone up above has created Beautifully for me ......... .. :)



--- from the desk of  aspiring Educator (...striving for perfection),
dedicated to the The Motivated(/ing) ones- my Ma, and dearest Harshita.

The kitchen report

It's diversion from my usual 'work place' , 'work- problems' , 'work-ethics' post... For tonight I report from my Kitchen ....
Staying in 1 room house - with sound of TV, AC, parents arguing , sister bothering - one has to really hold on to patience to be working from there! I guess I lost mine tonight.
I'm also,missing my favorite TV show tonight, perhaps because Iv never felt  this 'incessant urge' to write one post after another ( though, they wont be published same day)!

Now, at a distance from all the ' noise pollution' , I sit here, with no peace , and it utmost hurry to wrap-up three of my half-written posts.
From a distance, I could hear the whispers of expectations getting louder with each minute, I fear his footstep's walk-in on me,to catch me 'red handed' writing this. Reading /writing(call typing) was never encouraged in this mad-house, but , afcourse, If it wasnt for ma, I'd probably have vansihed in 'desires' - my creative little desires - to' click' at times, to paint ( made my favourite right before this entrance exam)-and still remember his eyes in shock to see my hands filled with brushes than ink-marks( well, haven't got back to canvas since then).
I clearly remember that morning( beautiful/peaceful) when I prepared a slice with chai, and I sat to start Paulo Coelho's first. I was filled with happiness to do something out of my usual (sleep/tv/school) routine. He caught me again like a culprit my book was put behind in prison, and I took to sadness with sleep or probably TV.

I have written (secretly) dozens of random expressions/poems- the folks next door(read room) have no clue about it! sitting on front of  laptop was considered no less than a Sin! So, my random expressions found place on back of school books, some diaries , other times tissue rolls( u know, how u can't stop when thoughts start rolling in head :-) )
Not being a rebellious one, and as an ardent elder-most respectful kid, I am always looked upon to bring 'glory' 'fame' ( read sarkari naurki in either of the admin.deptts.) for my family.

Creativity never finds space in the 1 room full of 'noise pollution' . But, I keep finding my outlets at times on 'tissue rolls' and today 'reporting from kitchen slab' :)

The expectations would keep mounding , scoldings directly proportional to expectations might shoot up as well!
But, knowing oneself -of NOT BEING a 'rebel'  or be ready 'to run' or having any tendency to kill the  'desires' ..
I keep up promise today, to find these 'rat holes' to keep my RANDOMNESS flowing!


- from the desk of 24,F,single,trapped--- 

Chasing Liberation.

Don't know if its cup of coffee or the general happiness that i derive from my profession which instigated me write this up! or perhaps maybe this suggestion by a friend - who says there ARE PEOPLE WHO READ ONLY IF U WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR WORK... but it's certainly also not for 'popularity' that i wish to get from 10-100-1000 viewers.... 

The sense of 'happiness' prevailing around is definitely the new job. It was last week that i got a call for being selected as a guest lecturer in govt school! It was against my father's hope - that I can ever manage to get through 'merit' if it is a criteria anywhere.. the school/colg/post grad results are evident to prove him all right!

But, one should never stop 'hoping against the hope' so, here i am in govt school teaching the senior most classes my most favorite subject! :)

So, it started with a thrill on  Thursday,for fact that people already knew mw before I joined, being it ma's school as well.. and also, I'll get to come back home 'before the time' - when It used to be  still the last period in my previous school..

This is the 3rd school in almost 16 months, and I still had the day -1 jitters surrounding me..
 Startred on a lazy -note,for till previous day, at same time, I was all cozy in bed dreaming about the 'laal batti'.. Now, things would have to change and my usual waking- up time turned into end of the 1st teaching period of school.

Again,I needed no introduction as staff ,students alike knew me courtesy ma's curiosities. ... time table given- 11th and 12th grade with 34 period(GASP!) for a 6 day week!
I had nearly 20 in 'goldman's hut' and about 25 in 'parampaara'... 

Though 34 being ONLY teaching periods , got me going!!

11th std- world history , n we startred with the story of evolution of the mankind! I received the attention I expected it to be ,and girls were not 'notorious' as staff told me so....classroom is on the 1st floor , and u could never hear the bell ring- so, mom peeped-in , and like always girl-giggles followed..
I decided to move out to see whats next for the day?!

Had no more classes for coming 1 hour and with heavy head n still sleepy eyes- craved for a kadak chai~ 

I looked around in amazement- no cups, no kettle on any teacher;s desk- and decided to rather open a book to revise ahead..

12th class was more enthusiastic and History  being Indian, probably got me at ease and the 'preaching' began till bell rang! yea I heard it this time, classes being next to head's room, ground floor!

Recces got me back to 'more sleep' ...' more desperate for chai' mode,,,
though, mom compensated with curd n roti.. she usual sits in the one end of loooong table, and i sat along in amazement, that we would not be 'sharing' our vege n paranthas!  Those 'goldman's hut' day and way they ate like wild cats...and I had nearly became the same...
A day full of laziness followed by 3 -day weekend, and I was allll set to sleeeep n coffee out with my friends! 

Monday , felt like self(!) , and energy rushed from head to toe.. took 6 classes or maybe 7 in amazement of no-discipline breaking rules, no loose comments and intelligence of the continuously answering bright faces!
Medieval India for my 12th and a brief on the sufis and bhaktas of the east..
felt more and more at ease..though, looking at laziness in others did irritated at times,but , woooh Ma holding the place in single stride!
beautiful morning prayers - along national song and the anthem in chorus.


TODAY-It's technically a week though numerically only 4 days past the new job, and yes It does feeel like-

 'my calling' 'belonging'  and ' almost falling (back) in love' to my old favorite profession..

Yeah! it's celebration of freedom today but I always feel 'liberation' is more important...for self, my students,the girl students i mean..If only in little way i can 'guide' them to take the right path, will they get freedom from clutches and maybe liberation( in hope) if they learn the meaning of being at ease with themselves and their control on the  decisions of own life...

random very random, this thought came to pen down, and eager to pen more thoughts like these- about profession, my girls , work culture that  I will now get to feel around...

- - from a teacher's desk (laptop).